Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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