btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
