He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
