I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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