but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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