quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
