Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
