In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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