In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
