Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sex in a hospital.. check
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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