im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
