I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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