She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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