we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
