I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
