so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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