I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
