Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
