The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
