So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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