dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
