ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize