The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
