he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
