There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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