I want to have your abortion
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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