Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
