you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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