Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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