You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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