Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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