new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
