hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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