Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
