I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Drunk is not a location!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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