i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
