i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
