should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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