You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
