I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
