I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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