Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
