Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
