About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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