Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
