Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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