Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
