he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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