It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
