bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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