i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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