South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
