I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
