My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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