In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
