Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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