I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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