Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
