just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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