The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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