Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
