I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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