Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize