living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
