You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
