Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize