In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
