my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
