It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
