I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
