dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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