Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
