I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
