Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I checked into jail on foursquare
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
