Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
