why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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