Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
