party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
