can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
